One of my struggles with motivation is how I react to unforeseen circumstances. This is fundamentally an executive function problem. When the motivation is extrinsic, say from a manager, and my work is interrupted, I’m frustrated but ok. Usually, I am more ok with the situation than my neurotypical colleagues. However, if it’s intrinsic motivation, something I’m doing towards one of my goals, I’m frustrated and not ok. It’s not because of my emotional commitment to the work or because my ability to achieve my goals has been delayed; it’s because I must make a plan again.
I think this is one reason why Agile appealed to me originally; there’s already a process set up for what to do when things don’t go to plan.
Because my executive functioning doesn’t work well, everything takes a lot of planning and conscious thought. The executive function allows you to break a big task into smaller tasks, and for neurotypical people, this is an automatic and unconscious function. It is not for me. I can break big tasks down into small tasks, but I have to think about it every time, even if I’ve broken the big task down before. This takes a lot of mental energy and is incredibly tiring. If you don’t have executive dysfunction, the next time you brush your teeth, notice everything you have to do to complete the task. Then imagine doing that every day for the rest of your life, for everything that you do on a daily basis. Welcome to neurodivergence…
When you’re involved in running a household that contains little people, there has to be a balancing act between keeping the little people alive, keeping them thriving, and not going insane. Even before having children, I struggled with the latter, so I can’t imagine why I thought adding to the situation would be a good idea!
Going into this week, I was recovering from my tooth extraction, travelling back from a family gathering, and developing a chest infection. I had a list of things that I needed to get done on my childless days, which included work, study, and domestic labour. It was a little ambitious and certainly above the average amount of work I can deliver in such a time frame. I was confident that I could make a big push to achieve it all, though I knew I wouldn’t be working at a sustainable pace during those days.
Not working at a sustainable pace is ok, but it’s not sustainable. There will always be times when a big push needs to be made to get everything done in time. The goal is to make that a rare exception and not the rule.
On the return journey from London, one of my boys suddenly woke up screaming while we were hurtling down the M5. His ear hurt. This kid is prone to ear infections, so I immediately knew this would likely turn into a fever, a visit to the doctor, and one of my child-free days becoming a one-child day instead. As I was feeling quite ill myself, I suspected that my productivity would be low, so I wasn’t too upset about the potential loss of a day. I hadn’t considered that I would need to travel to the next county to fill his prescription and the extra drain driving there would have on my energy levels for the rest of the week. By the end of the week, my other son had developed a fever with no other symptoms. So, one of my other child-free days increased to a one-child day, filled with travelling around the region to see medical professionals and have prescriptions filled.
By Friday evening, I felt like I achieved nothing during the week.
These unforeseen circumstances being thrown in the way of achieving our goals at work come from far more directions than a couple of ill children. Our teammates, bosses, other departments, and other organisations can all seem to have it in for us and our productivity on any given day. Agility in our work is meant to support us through these unknown unknowns.
We start by breaking down our work into small enough pieces that can be completed within a couple of days so that when one of those things comes out of nowhere to interrupt our flow, the impact is minimal. The most important lesson managing my executive dysfunction has taught me is non-sequential tasks can be interrupted with minimal productivity loss. If I can no longer use a sharp knife because I’m having to cuddle a small child, I can find another task to do. Sure, the dinner isn’t ready as early as I would like, but publishing my next blog post might happen earlier than expected.
I think most who are trying to achieve business agility are still missing the point of what they’re doing. I think a lot of people from a non-software background who are trying to achieve business agility don’t have an understanding of this fundamental. By breaking up all our work into small chunks, we can focus our energy on any small task from a range of more significant deliverables, so we can always work towards our goals regardless of the situation the outside world has put us in.
This is so relatable! I didn’t even realise I was neurodivergent until seeking a diagnosis for one of my children. Now so much about life makes sense (including why discovering Agile was like a light bulb in my head!)
Hope you’re taking some time this weekend to reset and recover, and that you and both little ones are well again!