the things i have learned
the things i was taught
I have a collection of personal principles. These are truths I’ve learned along the way through life that I want to be able to periodically remind myself of so that I’m not repeatedly surprised by the same patterns of behaviour. I have collected these statements for decades now. I read through them most weeks and sometimes every day. (I also gave an awkward talk on them to Agile Reading once…)
I also have a list of values I created over a decade ago and rarely look at. We uncover our values through reflection, but they have always and will always be part of us; therefore, there is nothing to remember. Values are who you are, and principles are what you’ve learned.
I think of it as the difference between morals and ethics. Morality is black and white, rules passed to you in childhood from the generations who have preceded you. Ethics are the nuances in between the rules, created through observing the rules others follow and their interactions.
My collection of principles contains what I’ve observed. So, unlike my values, I have to read my principles again and again so I don’t forget. I have found principles to be more valuable than values my whole life.
As a young adult, I read the principles others had shared to shade in the nuances.
I was a victim of others’ values for being a woman who didn’t know her place in front of her male colleagues.
I am not unaware of the irony of having written the above, given the principle I would like to share with you today:
We don’t describe the world we see; we see the world we describe.
As a leader, there is no better information to receive than the perspective of others. I invite you to believe what you hear without filtering it through your values. When people speak about a situation, listen for their choice of words, watch their body language, and try to empathise. Most of all, learn how they see the world. No one person is going to have the full view or an objective view, so by collecting together many views, you will have a better understanding of the truth.
Because you don’t have a full or objective view either.