the sharp end of the question
why? why? why? why? why?
This week, I’ve been talking to our fellow coaches about challenging organisational leaders as part of our engagements. I’ve found myself reflecting on the parallels between asking leaders about the decisions they’ve made and the actions they’ve taken, as well as the decisions and actions required of parents.
My children constantly challenge me, and they are curious and eager to test my boundaries. They push against my rules and decisions, seeking explanations and understanding. In these moments, I try to explain my reasoning to the best of my ability so that a four-year-old can understand. Although they are looking for gaps to push through, they inadvertently ensure my choices align with the values and principles I set myself as a parent at the beginning of this journey. It's a forced and continuous cycle of reflection that leads to self-assurance or change.
Similarly, as coaches, we often find ourselves in the position of challenging those around us in positions of power over us and our teams. We advocate for change and improvement within our organisations. Just as my children question my decisions, we question the practices and behaviours of the leaders around us, prompting them to reflect on and justify (if only to themselves) their actions and motivations. While we may not always fully comprehend their decisions, the importance lies in the conversation it sparks and the opportunity for self-assessment.
One line of questioning is rooted in pure self-interest, the other in the desire to nurture growth and development. And yet, both can be infuriating to the person on the receiving end of the questions.
Just as I strive to parent with love, patience, and integrity, we must coach with the same unwavering commitment to the values and principles that guide our work. It's about holding ourselves and others accountable and ensuring our actions reflect our shared vision of organisational excellence and continuous improvement.
Navigating the complexities of human interaction with empathy, humility, and resilience is a strength that most of us can’t maintain alone, nor should we try. Organisations exist whose primary focus is to create groups that support new and old parents through the trials and tribulations of raising the next generation.
Coaching circles can provide the same kind of support for coaches. If you have other coaches in your organisation, set aside some time every couple of weeks to have a coffee and chat about your work. Coaching supervision can help develop our coaching skills and keep us true to the values of coaching.
If you work alone in an organisation (as I have many times), it can feel more isolating than raising babies during lockdown (which I’m pleased to have only done once). Unfortunately, finding those circles is not as easy as finding a parenting group. They tend not to be listed on your local council website. If you can’t find other coaches in your area, try looking for a virtual group online or perhaps start your own.